Confessing

While reading a book, I realized there was this thing that I had honestly been beating myself up for for years.

I thought about how it came up years after it occurred. The depth of the jerk that I had been. And searching my mind on ways, things I could do that would make me *feel* absolved of this. Merely confessing seemed completely inadequate to the damage I had done.

I considered restitution.

It wasn't a money sort of damage that I had done. And I suspected the people involved might be more annoyed that I even went back to that time and place than grateful for a heartfelt apology. We have all done what normal people do: move on.

When someone apologizes, it is sort of hard. It puts the recipient of the apology back into the unpleasant memory of having a wrong done to them, and then having to say "that's alright" or be a jerk.

Plus, when we are talking old relationships, trotting out this garbage seems really backwards-moving.

What can be done for the person who has done the wrong to put it behind them?

I apologize every time I remember that situation. I don't bury it or hide it. I have learned that I have to be nice to people because, due to some mental or genetic defect, I never let myself forget when I have been a jerk to good kind people who have cared for me.

I have to believe that God has let me off the hook for this a long time ago. Since I can't go back, I have to move forward and avoid making this mistake again, and continue confessing until it is etched over the memory of me being a jerk.

Steward or pilgrim?

Which direction does the bible point to with regards to money? Am I to give it all away and follow Christ, as it says in the New Testament or am I to be wise and save for my grandkids, like it says in Proverbs?

I found myself needing some words of wisdom, and not merely opinions. As a parent of young children, how the question is answered is relevant for more than just myself.

Some well-known writers have also put forth the urgency of the call of a Christian to follow Christ. Living like a pilgrim before I had kids was all for me, but now I wondered if it was the right choice with their well-being to consider.

My husband and I consider carefully the way we divide our resources; setting examples, making moral choices and being obedient are all priorities. So which path is correct? New Testament living by faith or Proverbs wise stewardship?

Who can answer that question of each of us?

The Lord has blessed our family in a way that feels lavish to us. We are grateful for opportunities to give back to our community. But is it sufficient?

For the time, I will be intentional and wise with what the Lord has provided. I will do everything I can to imbue my kids with a sense of the importance of service. I trust the Lord will bless this, as we try to steward wisely the overflowing bounty that he has given our family.

How do you answer this question in your own life?